Ballet and Truth

Mike Adamick at Cry it Out wrote a very touching piece, and I commented there that he must find strength and joy in all aspects of his daughters personality, even those which seem frustrating or saddening.

And then I bundled Arabella off to ballet class.

I did not sign Arabella up for ballet because I expect her to become a ballerina. I have no delusions that the baby who growled at the breast will grow up to become gentle, graceful and demure. I suppose the best that can be hoped for is for her to channel her physical exuberance into something ... well, something. Arabella has been like a rampaging water buffalo since she learned to walk (at 10.5 months), knowing no fear of physical obstacles. She is very into the princess girlie thing, which made ballet, with the little fluttery skirt and powder pink leotard, perfect. I hoped that she would enjoy the girlishness of ballet, the physical challenge, and take to it. She made friends, she loved her costumes, it seemed all perfect.

But watching Arabella today, the last (and openly attended by parents) class of the current session, is unspeakably painful. Arabella has now taken 5 sessions of ballet, approximately 35 weeks altogether, and she acts like it is the first time she has ever been in ballet class. She pays little attention to what the teacher is doing, instead watching everyone and everything else. She constantly fidgets, fiddling with her tights, cuddles with her buddies even when they obviously are concentrating on their foot position, whining if she doesn't get the teachers attention. In fact, I think she may act up in class to get more attention from her beloved teacher, not that it works very well. At the end of the last session I told the teacher that "Arabella obviously makes up for her lack of skill with her enthusiasm." It kills me to watch her in class, goofing off and as attentive as a goldfish. I have to wonder if she will ever be ready for kindergarten, if she will ever read, let alone do math. Tracy reminds me that I must realize that Arabella is acting and developing normally for a 4 year old, but its difficult when I see her peers perform so much better, be so much more focused.

And there is where I have to take my own advice. Find joy and strength in all aspects of her personality. Arabella notices everything, but truly marches to her own drummer, even if that drummer is Animal from the Muppet Show. She may never be half-way good at ballet, but she enjoys her time with her friends, her pretty outfits, her teacher. She loves doing something physical. She does a pretty decent Arabesque when she doesn't know I'm watching. She is naturally dramatic, both in positive and negative ways. And if she ever finds some grace her sheer physicality will make her a strong dancer.

In two weeks, the next session starts, Intermediate. She should have been able to sign up after 3 sessions of Beginner, but I kept her back because I knew she wasn't ready. I wonder now if she is ready, if I continue classes for selfish reasons (I have made friends with mothers of her classmates, and enjoy hanging out with my ballet bunch buddies), if I should let this summer be the end of ballet and find something more suitable for Arabella's temperament, like hockey or free-form mania. I have a month to make that decision, so for now I'll just have to remind myself to find strength and joy in her goofiness.